I'm not one of those...

The Fraternity of Males
Maybe I feel resentful they want to claim to be as I, yet they hide. Why do they feel they must hide when I feel I must be "out", seen by everyone everyday, at all times dressed "feminine", living as female? I can't help it, I had to do it even at the risk of losing my job and I did. They're just playing around but living as males, but usually I say, practicing life as males, but if they are transsexual their practicing is for naught and is not practicing at all, but portraying as male. I do not believe they ever will come "out" in public, because they don't want to or can't live with the fact their personal peers [business associates, business contacts, employers, fellow employees, their straight friends, and here I will say their's of macho braggadocio, of the persuasion and personification that males are above women, and I've wonder if they get this notion from the fact they stab women with their shaft and in the traditional sense they mount women from above her, will perceive them as " a "faggot" or a "queer" or a "homo", as we "transsexuals" suffer the discriminatory from the straight male fraternity. We live with that stigma, whatever others want to think of us, we live with that and as women on a daily basis. But cross dressers? They'll lose their "masculine" status and that swagger that goes with it, that "machismo", that essence of maleness, that proud status of being virile, that strength, that vigor, that force we use to portray so we could hide our femininity, all the things I hated about me, because I used to believe it was the feminine I hated about me, but it wasn't, it was the portrayal of masculinity vexing my true spirit. As transsexuals we live in truth and hide not. I must think they want to make claims they cannot substantiate with their hiding, with their clubs these cross dressers. I've have yet to have someone identify with me in a public setting save a suitor seeking sexual rewards and a male married friend cross dresser from out of state who felt "safe". I've never had a male or female step up to me in public and introduce themselves and say anything like "Hi, I'm a closeted cross dresser and my name is" etc, etc., or any that profess gay, lesbian, f2m who made my acquaintance by introducing themselves in public. I walk alone out here, in the daytime, in a dress. No, I am made to feel by every one as some sort of "outcast", only the "general public' treats me as others and "out" here in public is where I'll stay. Why do they ask that I come into their realm and accept it, these who claim "transgender"? I ask them to come "out" and into my realm, "out" here in public but they do not, they stay in secret and hide and I am not one of those. I always find something sinister about secrecy. I felt it too when I was 10 years old putting on girls clothes in the woods in 1960, but, I was compelled and it felt so wonderful, it was then when I really felt I was me, as now. In these times of LGBT awareness, the legislation we have, the laws we have supporting us, why still live hiding? Why still live in secrecy and fear? It is these cross dressers, "transgender" that perpetuate this and hinder, in my opinion, "our" progress into societal acceptance. We've got to make a stand, but if they won't stand with me in public, I'm not going to stand with them in secrecy. No, I'm not one of those, and for others to start name calling is derogatory, discriminatory. I'm not a cross dresser and I'm not transgender, I don't go back a forth between the two, I'm transsexual, my sex identity and my gender identity is female and always has been. I made many an audition for the other role (male) and would have been the star of the show but I lost my billing because I was "one of those" (queer). No matter I out played, out worked, and out performed the "perceived" straights. I lost all rewards because I was a "queer", a "faggot". Maybe that’s why I feel as I do, because I know in public to keep their "male status" in the "male fraternity", they must deny us, they must discriminate or suffer a "faggot" status, they must slander "LGBT's" or be castigated with the stigma as one of them, "he must be a "homo too", so I know that's what the secrecy is about.. That's what hurts too, they won't stand with us "transsexuals" or gays publicly and will, if the situation would "out" them to the public or at their employment, discriminate, in the secret fraternity of the straights males, and they will speak of you disdainful to shirk any association with LGBT's.
This is the cause of the dead end road of the inclusive ENDA, association. I read one blog comment by a gay male saying, he didn’t know any trans individuals, doesn’t identify with trans in any way, doesn’t understand trans folks and there weren’t any trans people working on Lesbian and Gay rights with them back in the 1980’s, (so why shouldn’t Gay celebrate the passing of ENDA?) This is very sad, because the given perception that a great majority of straight society has been saying the same thing about the Gay community for decades.
In Germany, the Nazis came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Jews and I didn't speak up because I was not a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn't speak up because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I was a Protestant so I didn't speak up. Then they came for me...By that time there was no one to speak up for anyone. Niemöller, Martin (1892 - 1984) German pastor. Concise Dictionary of Religious Quotations (W. Neil)